you know it's very easy to put on a happy face, easy to tell people that you're "good" or "fine". you can live most of your life in this false sense of happiness, then, you find that little something that makes you happy. The christianese answer for this things is Jesus or God, i would have to disagree, God does make me feel loved but i wasn't happy when my grandma died, i wasn't happy when my dad left (i was when he came back though). So this thing, or rather a person for me, made me happy. I was happy when i talked to her, i was happy when i heard her voice, and then, my parents (God bless them) made it all stop. I find myself putting on my happy face again, telling people that I'm "good" or "fine". I don't like this mask, this false happiness, I find myself rather depressed at times. I think to myself: "will it be better one day? will I be happy again?". My friends tell me to just be happy, but I don't know how, this is part of the reason i struggle with my homework, i can't concentrate. It distracts me, I wander into a deep abyss of my own thought, I get lost in my own mind, thinking about my future, wondering whats in store for me.
People seem to find comfort in the fact that "God has a plan for them", i don't, it makes me more anxious, i wonder what kind of plan it is, what I'm going to end up doing. I have too many questions and not enough answers, I need to know that everything will be alright, but the truth is I will never know that for sure, no one can tell me that it'll all be fine because no one really knows.
So with that, what do I do? How do i become happy again? you see my issue, too many questions and not enough answers.
- To be happy is to take off your happy mask.
I *do* know it will be OK. Cause I *have* been there. And in worse times, when I was unsure...I *did* look to God's Word & *chose* to believe it, *chose* to trust it...because *His* Word SAYS: it will be OK. Not perfect & not always the way we want, but OK, none the less.
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